I died 7 months ago. Where I am now, I'm not pretty sure, is this what you call purgatory? You see, my baby died a month after birth and after 2 pregnancy losses, she's my precious little one. We can't contain our happiness when we had her, and just after a few weeks with us, she's gone. Everything still feels surreal. All of a sudden I'm at a crossroads and it hurts to realise that the only place I want to be is wherever I can be with her and my husband again. Sigh.
How do you move on after a thing as tragic as that? I don't really know, for now I'll just pretend to be that brave little girl I used to be.
A few weeks after her death, we decided to have a road trip. Not to grieve, but to celebrate her life. To say "thank you" to God for the opportunity to spend those precious time with her. From Subic we travelled to Manaog, stayed overnight with relatives in Dagupan, then stayed at my mom's hometown in Lingayen. We had a chance to visit the Hundred Islands National Park with our family and my cousin let us spend time with their daughter, bitter sweet yes, but seeing her with my husband made me happy. I knew deep within we both want her to be our daughter, our Eia.
I just want to share some of the photos I took of them together. Hoping that someday, that would be our kid he will be playing with.
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| they look good together right? |
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| I enjoyed watching them having fun. |
Isn't she cute? But as a mom who just lost her daughter, nobody can replace my Eia. Even the cutest and smartest baby can never replace her. Forever, that's how long I will grieve for her, forever, that's how long my heart will ache. I will just be thankful that every waking hour means another day closer to her, until we meet again my Eia.. until then.
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| a day with hubby and my cute little niece |
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